Taxi Bits And Pieces

Here are a few things seen and/or heard while working this past week...

On Tuesday I saw a large bearded standing near the soup kitchen. He was wearing two tank tops and a plaid skirt. Not a tartan. Most definitely a skirt made for a woman. The man sported makeshift legwarmers. They were also plaid and clashed horribly with the skirt's pattern.

"If those were my kids I'd give those punks an ass warming." - taxi regular who wears a scent that smells of Coco Puffs

I picked up a man at Maine Medical Center and drove him to the Oxford Street Shelter. He said he was a chopper pilot in 'Nam and had a horrible acid trip while at an AC/DC concert in the late '70s.While near the corner of Cumberland Avenue and Mellen Street and he spoke...
MAN: I just got out of prison after serving six years for OUI. (points to a building) Right up here I fucked a girl. I called her up and I said I've been in prison for six years and she said "come over and I'll take care of you."
GUAK: Nice lady.
M: She's only 26.
G: Well done, sir!
M: And it only cost me $60.

"My favorite part about The Wedding Singer was Adam Sandler's character." That's a bold stance, Frank FM DJ.

Speaking of local radio personalities, I was listening to The Blimp's "Red-Eyed Rocker" Rick Brown. I missed the set-up, but the punchline involved players of Dungeons & Dragons players not getting laid. Your are as funny as you are relevant, Rick.

Speaking of local median personalities, Friday night I drove two to J's Oyster. One of them wasn't even close to being as hilarious as he thought he was (though, admittedly, he did make me chuckle). He spoke of smoking fatties with the other and then he started riffing on Somalians. I was not impressed with his tip.

"I danced with two fat girls. Someone's got to." - Fraternal Order of Eagles octogenarian

"That girl's ass is so great I want to suck a turd out of it."

While driving a load of six men and women to the strip club, one of the ladies asked me how many faces I had blessed with my ejaculate. She was not impressed with my answer.

Last night I picked up a leather daddy. He vocalized how he was on the prowl and after striking out at Blackstones he was going to try his luck at Styxx. During the ride he called me "babe" "honey" and "sexy." He gave me $5 for a trip that cost $4.60.