Son Of Taxi Bits And Pieces!

I thought I had found the woman of my dreams Thursday night. I had picked her up, along with four others, in the West End, She started a conversation with her friends about the zombie apocalypse and was a fan of The Walking Dead. Not the TV show, but the comic book. Wowie zowie!

Then the gal sang along to AC/DC's "It's A Long Way To The Top." Mama mia!

But then came the first test of our relationship. Once the fare had been paid, we had a brief interaction...
LADY: Thank you. You are a lovely gentleman.
GUAK: You're a lovely gentleman.
LADY (glaring): I am NOT a gentleman.
GUAK: My mistake.

The love affair was over. If you can't take a joke I have no use for you. Take a hike, sister! Oh, well. Blondes typically don't do it for me anyhow.

I drove a deaf woman to work at Bugaboo Creek. Her name badge stated her name was "Pattie Sue" though I know for a fact it's Judith.

Not so long ago I was stiffed out of my money by a member of the Maine State Legislature.

"I get ten Cinemax channels for $13.95 a month. From midnight to eight they show nothing but tits and ass movies. I used to buy a porno once a month for $14. Not anymore!" - my octogenarian regular

While parked in front of Gritty's a proprietor of a local business hopped into Black Betty. After a bit of driving around we found ourselves parked in the Denny's parking lot, where he proceeded to roll a joint. Nearing the end of the inexplicably long process he stated it was time to "add the salt." I soon discovered what he was referring to when he tossed an itty bitty plastic bag out the window and declared "that's the end of the crack!"

I really need to stop getting into these situations that are, at best, in this weird legal gray area merely for the story. And money.

Someone told me a "freddie" is a joint dusted with crack, but according to Urban Dictionary it's slang for heroin. Any street druggists out there that can clarify this for me?

Sitar Back and Relax

Every week day 100.9 FM, the oldies station, has a feature called The Fab Four At Four (or "F4@4" as I refer to in texts to Bethlynne). As the name implies, the segment is a collection of four Beatles or Beatles-related songs at four o'clock (though in reality the block doesn't start until 4:10). I always lament that the F4@4 is only fifteen minutes long or so as they were my favorite band for a long long time, and I'm still a fan of the Liverpudlian quartet.

Much to my irritation, yesterday's installment actually started on time so I missed the first half. Fuckers. I'm assuming August 8th is an important date in the life of Ravi Shankar or some shit because the songs I heard, "Within You Without You" and "Tomorrow Never Knows" are both heavy on the sitar and I am willing to bet the first two utilized that instrument as well.

The reason I'm even bothering you with this shit (other than the fact it's been around three weeks since I posted a GuakTalk entry) is that when I changed the station from some horrible Steve Miller song (redundant, I know) to F4@4 my passengers were two Indian guys. You know, the kind of Indian that hails from India.

I found that funny.