Where I'm At

Two installments of GuakTalk in two days?! What the deuce?!

I've been in a weird spot lately. A general feeling of blah. Maybe it was the weeks of rainy weather. Or the life of a Portland cab driver hasn't been all that profitable these last couple of months. I also suspected for a brief spell that I may be lactose intolerant.

Well, nice weather is finally here. Work is (slowly) picking up. And I'm definitely not lactose intolerant. Things are a looking a bit rose. Right now I'm doing better.

But the feeling still remains, even if it's diminished. I've had this idea, off and on now for several months, about maybe saying good bye to Portland for a bit. This urge wasn't as strong as it was this past winter, but recently it had crept back. My parents still on occasion suggest moving down with them to South Carolina to try it out. I don't think I could handle the summers there (heat and humidity are sworn enemies of The Guak), but the late fall through early spring is something else altogether. So I thought taking an extended vacation in late fall and checking it out could be a possibility. Or relocate somewhere else in New England. That way I would still be somewhat close to my friends and weather more agreeable to yours truly. But the thought of moving away to a place where I know few people, if any, terrifies me. Pook told me it wouldn't be starting over, just the beginning of a new chapter. In this case it might be a matter of semantics. Or it might not be. I don't know.

For the time being it's a moot point for I have decided to table the issue. Why? Because right now, this week, I'm okay with Portland. I may revisit this  come late summer, though autumn in Maine is fucking tops.

Like many things in life, friendships ebb and flow, at least with me, and I'm sensing connections with some friends weakening. One close friend in particular and I have been drifting apart these last few months despite my efforts. About a month ago I decided to not hold on any longer. I stopped resisting change and just let go. Whatever happens happens.  It bummed me out at first, but I'm okay with it now.

I have seen a few friendships wane, but I have experienced some deepen lately as well. There was someone I saw mostly a friend of a friend. This was super foolish on my part because we have a lot in common. Dorky interests. And I recently discovered we can talk for nearly two hours without a lull. This, for me, is no easy task. Good stuff. I guess there is some truth to the "when one door closes another one opens" adage.

So that's where I am in my personal life. And I'm hoping  these things I had identified as the causes for my funk have been resolved in some fashion or another. At least for now. Perhaps if I combed the deep recesses of my mind I could find a few more reasons. But why dwell on shit when things are starting to look up?