Guak The Narc

While I was at Ruski's this past Saturday night I got a text from Bethlynne: there was a party going on in our building, and they were keeping her up. In addition, the revelers woke up The Coolest Baby In The USA. Fuckers.

I already knew there was a party underway, thrown by the ladies from the first floor. I'm pretty sure it was to celebrate the birthday of the girl who on Memorial Day had drunkenly called me "The Infamous Guak" and gave me a long hug.

Bethlynne texted me again to tell me she had shut the window and hopefully that would do the trick. Apparently it did because I didn't hear from her for the rest of the night.

But about twenty minutes later I got a text from Sofia about how loud the fucking party was. The problem was that they were hanging out on the stoop. About thirty of them.

I found that out firsthand when I walked past the building at around 2am. Rob wanted to walk to Cumberland Farms. I had no need for Cumby's, having purchased a bag of chips earlier in the evening as a preemptive strike. But I decided to accompany nonetheless.

I saw the loud bullshit going on and got as far as Reiche when I decided to call the cops. So I did. I gave the dispatcher my name and phone number. She asked me if I wanted to make a statement. I told her I did not, but I would if it was necessary. The dispatcher informed that it probably wouldn't be.

The cops didn't take long getting there. I was talking nerdy things with the cashier when I looked out the the window and noticed two cruisers driving up Pine Street and turning left towards the direction of my building.

Walking back I noticed a slow but steady stream of youngsters make its way out of the building and soon enough it was quiet as a mouse. I felt quite the feeling of accomplishment.

Part of me though wonders if it's a sign of me getting older. I had at least ten years on the average person at that party. Yet, truth be told, the party probably wouldn't have bothered me so much. My work demands that I stay up way into the wee hours of the morn, and even on my days off it's rare that I'm asleep before three. If those kids were going strong at that hour I reckon I could have drowned out the noise with my fan No, the fact is I did it for the ladies and Boy Wonder of Fort Bitchin' - I'm rather fond of that triad of awesomeness. And I was rather miffed that they were being kept awake by a slew of raucous celebrants.

That was the first time I ever ratted someone out to the cops. I guess that makes me a narc, and I would do it again.

"The Infamous Guak"

Monday night I needed some chips. I had capped off a right awesome Memorial Day Weekend of leisure with some beer and 2-for-1 pizza with some quality people (all killer, no filler). I had spent all of my money save for $2 at Ruski's getting a serious buzz on. Cumberland Farms provided me a bag of artificially flavored sour cream and onion potato chips for $1.29.

I returned to Fort Awesome to find a party going on at both first-floor apartments. I stopped to talk to two guys living it up on the stoop. Out of one of the apartments stepped a young lady in her early twenties. She's a neighbor of mine, and we tend to talk a bit on the stoop when we both happen to be smoking butts. We have never introduced ourselves.

She was drunk and soooooo happy to see me. She yelled "hiiiiiii!" and somehow managed to slur even that. She went on about how she was glad I was outside and that she's not the only one who's often still in pajama bottoms around noon.

"We've never officially introduced ourselves. I'm Katie," she said extending her hand. I shook her hand and said my name was Guak. "Oh my god! You're the infamous Guak?!" Katie exclaimed.

"Wow. 'The infamous Guak?' What do you mean?" I inquired. Katie then went into explaining what "infamous" meant. I cut her off to inform her I was familiar with the word but wanting to know how I was infamous.

My neighbor never told me about my infamy. After my question she merely replied how she was excited  to meet me. And that she was going to do some grilling in the near future, and I should take part. I responded by telling her I like grilling things. Katie said of course I did because I'm a man. I went self-deprecating and said something like "I'm kind of a man, but I still enjoy grilling things."

Then she gave me a long hug. A hug I wouldn't expect from a chica I barely know. Even a drunk one. Then Katie scurried back to her apartment.

I admit it pleases me mightily that even now I'll occasionally meet someone, and I get a comment like "you're the infamous Guak." That just by word-of-mouth I have some renown, albeit a small amount to be sure. That I received that comment from a nubile young thang was even better. A little sad? I dunno, maybe a little I guess. But sometimes I gotta take it where I can get it.