My Former Neighbors

I picked up a former neighbor of mine last week. She occupied the apartment now known as "Fort Bitchin'" - the unit across hall from my own. She was in her late thirties or early forties when she lived there with her two sons, who were both in their teens. She also lived there with her boyfriend. That is until something happened and her kids kicked the shit out of him. The end of a relationship doesn't get any more official than that. The boys were no strangers to crime; my friend recognized the older one from when he used to work at the teen center in South Portland. But the guys and I were on good terms. They told me if anyone ever gave me a hard time they would take care of it. If I have to have thugs living in my building, it's best that the thugs have my back.

The older son moved out at one point to live with his girlfriend whom he had knocked up. Babies having babies. Soon after the lady of the house's nephew moved in. He had just been released from prison. I don't remember what he was convicted of. A drug charge I think. He seemed to have cleaned himself up during his stretch in the joint. The guy learned to read while incarcerated, and he had a job. Sure, his job was escorting dancers to "private parties" but still...the man was making cheddar by legal means. One time there was a party at Fort Awesome (courtesy of the Party Princesses), and he found out about and got really excited. His plan was to call his stripper co-workers and them bring over, along with cocaine. The blow I could, and still can, do without, but strippers I would have welcomed with open arms. But the family matriarch poopooed that idea, telling her nephew he wasn't going to ruin our good time. I'm not exactly sure how bringing over ladies that take their clothes off for a living is a bad idea. C'est la vie.

The nephew was a good conversationalist. We had some good talks on the stoop, until he started talking about white pride. Literacy wasn't the only thing my neighbor picked up in the clink despite the man who taught him to read black. He claimed it wasn't racism but just being proud of his race. I never understood that argument. The concept of black pride stems from generations of people of color being told that they were inferior to caucasians (at best) or treated as nothing better than livestock (at worst). White men, as a collective, have never been through that struggle. We have always been the oppressors, either towards brown-skinned people, women, or each other. So, yeah, I don't fucking buy it but whatever. Be proud. But the second you started dropping N-bombs, former neighbor o' mine, you stopped pretending to be proud of your racial heritage and revealed yourself to be the racist shitbird that you truly are.

So, Rosie, White Power Brian, Ex-Boyfriend, and Kids 1 and 2: while you were perfectly fine neighbors, in your own right, I think I will stick with Bethlynne, Sofia, and Finn.