Suzy doesn't know karate, but she has a black belt in ca-razy!

My first call last night sure was a doozy (doozie?). I picked up a nice old lady in front of city hall. Her name was Suzy. Suzy wanted to go to Old Orchard Beach; she got a social security check earlier in the day (and was expecting an inheritance check later today), and she wanted to go to the beach. I informed her it was a $45 flat rate. Suzy hemmed and hawed until I lowered it to $40. And off we went!

Suzy was excited to see the new Jim Carrey movie, I Love You Philip Morris, and asked what I had heard about it. I replied I don't much about it but read that it involves at least a fair amount of man-on-man prison sex. Suzy grew quiet for a moment (the only silence I was to enjoy the entire trip). She then quietly said "maybe I won't see it then."

My passenger told me she lived in a Buddhist monastery for thirty years and was often visited by ghosts. She claimed one of the ghosts made her fall and fuck up her back, and that is why she needed me to help her with her bags earlier. Suzy also suffered a head injury years back, the result of another ghost throwing her high up in the air. Her head injury explains a lot.

Suzy asked me if George Lucas would ever make another Star Wars film. I shrugged. She didn't think he would; ...Revenge Of The Sith was a heavy film and hard to follow up (I decided not to inform her that while Episode III was the last Star Wars movie to come out, chronologically there were three films that succeeded it, thus multiple follow-ups). The last time she saw Episode III Hayden Christensen came out of the television and asked what she thought of the movie. Suzy told Hayden she wasn't sure. He then vowed that they would meet again.

Hayden Christensen and Suzy did indeed meet again, this time in The Ethereal. The pair had a lovely chat, the details of which Suzy was not allowed to get into.

It was at this point I was finally able to locate a motel in Old Orchard that was still open in the winter. I realize OOB is a seasonal sort of town and all, but really? Just one fucking motel? Would it have killed someone to keep a few more open? Jesus! Thanks for the mental scars, Old Orchard Beach!

Suzy's last words to me, for reals, were "may The Force be with you." And, for the record, she hated Jumper.