I'm a big fan of sleep. It really is one of my favorite activities. I used to get a lot of it. I would get at least eight hours of sleep a night and averaged nine to ten hours. It was awesome. These days (by "these days" I mean the last ten years or so) I get around six, occasionally seven. And when I get eight hours, holy shit! I'm in fucking heaven!
But for the last few weeks, or maybe it's months?, I get between five and six, sometimes as little as three or four, and it's not like I'm not trying here: there are usually seven to eight hours between when I turn off my lamp and whatever time I program into my phone's alarm clock. And I don't turn off the light until I can barely keep my eyes open. I turn my lamp off, and I'm soooooooooooooo tired, but then I'm alone save for my thoughts, and they won't be turned away. They hit me hard, and it's not pretty. These motherfucking thoughts swim around in my head, taunting me, making me toss and turn and dwell on them, causing me to wait another hour or two for sleepy time. Then...THEN...I wake up an hour or two before my alarm is set to go off. Why? Sometimes I wake up having to waz. Sometimes someone calls or texts me, violating the no-contact-with-Guak-before-noon-unless-it's-an-emergency rule. And sometimes my body or mind or both decides to wake my ass up for funsies.
And last night was no god damn exception. More bullshit thoughts to add to the towering pile of bullshit thoughts. And then waking up at 9:30 for other reason than for the fuck of it.
Maybe it's time to look into pharmaceutical assistance...
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